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Mom’s Guilty Feeling Vs. Kid’s Illness

My plan to write #TheLostS(e)oul – the story of my trip to Korea last week had gone right away as soon as I know my son had been in such a terrible condition.

(bukannya perjalanan seminggu ke Korea itu ngga keren abis, perjalanan ke Korea Selatan kemaren dahsyat binggo, draft tentang pengurusan visa yang mendebarkan sampai catatan perjalanan ala backpacker alias nggembel alias murah meriah pun sudah menumpuk di hape sebenarnya).

It reminds me to the last time i had to go on a trip (the far ones) was to Bontang, Kalimantan Island, twice within 2 weeks, and when I was done with the trips, Tristan was having such a terrible stomachache – that needed to be examined thoroughly but turned out to be nothing serious though, thank God.

so how would i not have the guilty feeling?

the united mommies in the world would easily put their fingers on me. i am the mom. i leave my son at home. i go on a trip. for my advantage. if anything happens to him, then it is my fault.

*cry*  —- i easily cry when it comes to my baby —-

so how would i survive?

understanding where I stand.

i am a mom of a son. he always be my number one priority and my number one best friend in the world. daily, we spent most of our times together. but i am a human mommy. i do need to have my me time in what i do (at work) and in what i am (at vacation).

he has his dad. 2 grandmas. uncles and aunties. cousins.

everybody loves him as much as i do. everybody cares about him. so if i wasn’t there for him, i know many others do.

and if there’s something happens to him while i’m gone, it is not mommy’s fault. it means to be happened. it could happen too when mommy is around. mommy could not fight all the germs, bacteria, and viruses, right?

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Tristan, UAS, dan ibu

Belum Hari Ibu memang, tapi akhir-akhir ini spesial karena sy pertama kali mendampingi Tristan UAS yg pertama kali dalam hidupnya… tapi, hampir setiap saat itu spesial – mengingat selalu ada waktu pertama kali mengalami sesuatu bagi Tristan…

– tentang ujian akhir semester & Tristan

beberapa kali sy sempat ngobrol sm Tristan ttg “ujian”… —– apa sih ujian? kenapa sih ujian? untuk apa sih ada ujian? apa yang hrs disiapkan untuk ujian? ——  sering terlibat di ujian skripsi mahasiswa di kampus tidak membuat diskusi ini menjadi lebih mudah.. menurut tristan, ujian ya ujian, kadang kan orang bisa lupa, jadi ujian itu ya biasa aja, ya seingatnya saat itu -____-”

– saat menunggu uas

setelah tristan masuk kelas, sy duduk bersama banyak ibu di luar sekolah… sy merasa santai dan melarutkan diri asyik ngobrol ngalor ngidul bersama ibu lainnya.. beberapa waktu berlalu, dan ibu-ibu mulai gelisah…

ada anak yg terlambat.. mereka membahas panjang, kenapa orang tua tidak menyiapkan anak untuk uas, datang lebih awal, bla bla bla

ada anak yg nampak keluar kelas.. mereka membahas panjang, kenapa sampai si anak bisa keluar kelas alasan mau ke toilet tapi dengan melenggang kangkung, bla bla bla

sampai satu ibu mengeluarkan klipingan kertas dari dalam tasnya… sy lirik… astaga.. kumpulan soal! ibu itu membuka2 sambil mengingat yg mana yg kira2 anaknya belum bisa… trus tanya sy, bgmn Tristan belajar kemaren..

satu asisten rumah tangga bercerita dgn serunya, betapa si anak laki-laki dimarahin mamanya semalaman karena tidak juga bisa belajar dgn tenang… trus tanya, bmn Tristan belajar kemaren..

satu eyang mau melihat ke kelas karena takut si kecil mengantuk krn harus belajar lagi pagi harinya… trus tanya, bgmn Tristan belajar tadi..

dan rasanya semua mata memandang sy…

nodong jawaban…  dgn tatapan seolah di dahi saya tertempel label “DOSEN” dengan tulisan kecil “tahu cara mendidik anak dengan baik dan benar”

Tristan?

kemaren sepulang sekolah Tristan ngajakin sy makan siang di salah satu mall kecil, sambil lihat mainan dan ngobrol2 ttg teman2nya (dan sekilas tentang materi Budi Pekerti – Materi UAS ke-2).. pulangnya Tristan tidur siang… lantas sepanjang sore sampai malam Tristan nonton TV (ya, nonton TV, saat menyebut kata ini ibu2 langsung kasak kusuk)… trus main games (saatnya kasak kusuk lagi).. trus sebelum tidur kami melihat2 sekilas buku tematik tema “Kegiatanku di Sore Hari” (yang jadi materi UAS ke-1) dan membaca petualangan di sungai ajaib (enyd blyton)…

ada pertanyaan: “nilai Tristan 100 semua ya waktu UTS?”

hihihihi, ya engga lah… pas UTS apa lagi, Tristan ngga tau maksudnya apa disuruh ngisi kertas banyak banget..

ada pertanyaan: “lah, ibu ngga pengen anaknya senang dapat nilai 100?”

hmm, ya iya lah… sy ingin Tristan SENANG dapat 100, artinya dia faham kenapa harus 100, apa artinya 100.. tapi kalo engga juga ngga apa..

pandangan mata ibu-ibu mulai berubah… jadi ngga enak >.< akhirnya sy memilih kabur ke kantin baseball untuk sarapan..

seorang ibu bisik2 ke saya beberapa waktu kemudian — > ibu-ibu yg lain kasihan sm Tristan, kok ibunya ngga disiplin amat sih ngga ngajarin anaknya belajar, katanya dosen, ngerti kurikulum 2013, kok ngga ngerti kalo saat ujian itu harus diajarin, ibu macam apa itu… bla bla bla

-gluk-

dan Tristan memeluk sy, sudah ma, ngga usah didengerin, cuekin aja… >^.^

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First Posting in 2013

WOW

it took me 3 months to finally post to my blog. actually i wrote some drafts and saved it, but i feel obligated to revise a bit before i publish them. so by this first posting i promise myself two things:

  1. i will edit my drafts and published them
  2. write old post about my experience

for my travel experience i will write about:

1. spain (march)

2. bali (june)

3. bontang (november)

now the BIG question: what makes me so not productive?

well, i am busy in running here and there, all the problems, the needs, and many others.. most of the time i knew i need to write, but then i doubted myself whether i had to publish such topics.. then i forgot my blog -____-”

cross my finger!

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saat harus memilih

tristan got toothache!

awwww, i could blame myself hard for my son’s toothache *cry yeeees… i often blame myself when something bad happened to tristan… that’s the first thing i do… wondering where did i go wrong… well, i’m the only adult nearby, what can i say.. he’s suffering thru the night… and definitely my heart was also >.<

and just to make it more complicated, i got appointments for several thesis defense sessions, and it was saturday – when usually no private dental clinic is opened, ouch..

#workingmomproblem #masalahibubekerja

choosing one only?

no, I couldn’t.. not because I’m greedy but yes, my son is always my number one priority, but i also responsible for the defenses for somebody else’s son/daughter..

at the moment, i browsed around to find any dentist that opens on Saturday…i found some dentist for kids (pedodontist) but the schedule is saturday morning….

note (in Bahasa Indonesia) gimana sih ya, website rumah sakit banyak yg ga update ato ga jelas jadwal dokternya, rs. dr.soetomo >>> ga lengkap, graha amerta >>> belum lengkap – masih kosong malah, rs. mitra keluarga >>> hayyaaaa cuman nemu beberapa jadwal, yang lengkap dan update adalah website rs siti hajar sidoarjo dan rs islam surabaya arrrrgh

so, i decided to delay the defenses for an hour, while i’m doing all i could to reduce the pain, from outside like trying the mouth wash etc, and pain killer… then as soon as the pain temporarily gone, i asked him to eat and then take the immune booster… then he would take some good rest while I go to the campus…

so help me God…

bersyukur sy bekerja di bidang pendidikan, tidak semua memang – namun tetap selalu ada teman dosen dan mahasiswa yang mau memahami posisi saya mengutamakan anak saat harus memilih seperti ini… bukan mementingkan satu dan menelantarkan yang lain loh ya, namun menunda sementara saja – I’ll be back gitu mah…

 

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Tristan: Separation Anxiety

so this is it

i know as a mom, i will have this moment soon or later, leaving tristan in a daycare.. tristan is four years old at the moment, of course he has been going to school and of course for sure he had his time being separated from his mom several times.. what makes it different this time?

well, this time is so different since it is a day care, where tristan is not the only child, so there are plenty others, with the same age as he does..

is it scary? hmm if i were tristan, i think so, the children are by his age, and i assume that they do not communicate as well as Tristan does (yes, since he was 2-month-old Tristan got used to live with adults, and play with the teenagers).. Tristan told me so.. he is afraid that the other children wouldn’t understand him and would bully him…

Most Important Tips for mom >>
1. Stay calm and smile.. 🙂
lucky me, i know that Tristan is independent, i know that he can take care well of himself, so this fact make me strong…

2. We’re together
“like the way you like playing, i like working, like when you play you do need me but you know i don’t have to be beside you, so when i’m working, i need you, but i know you better be with your friends”
lucky me, Tristan can communicate well and can use his logic ability to understand the big picture..

does it mean he doesn’t cry? NO, he did cry

3. The crying game
of course he would cry, he wondered why he couldn’t be with me.. it is a process.. he’ll get thru..

this too shall pass, my dearest…

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JB Fever

the story:
..kemarin, di dalam mobil, diiringi lagu-lagu JB.. | stan: mana sih ma.. bagian rem-nya? | me: rem? *bingung* | stan: itu loh ma yang menyanyi sama ngomong.. *sambil menirukan* | me: -.-” oh itu “rap” bukan “rem” | ..malam ini, masih diiringi lagu-lagu JB.. | stan: wah kenapa ya nyanyi gitu kok dinamain ‘kepiting’ kayak bosnya sepombob *mikirbeneran* | me: -__-” hayyyaaaaa … RAP nak.. bukan “crab” ato misterkrab..

☺hë•⌣•hë•⌣•hë•⌣•hë☺ this kind of conversation I would love to remember all thru the years

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Dilema ibu bekerja

i am a working mom.

i used to bring him to my office, but then people were sooooo mean to us, they texted me of  telling me to leave my son at home, most of them suggest that i have to go to the office without him…

well, I tried… and it hurts a lot, to leave home in the morning, leaving my baby stan sleeping tight, and going home late and he’s already asleep.. then knowing that I’ll already have gone to work when he’s awake tomorrow morning..

Oh God, I just miss him like crazy all through the day

Hope someday he’d know that today his mom still remembers her way home ^^, and washes his clothes at night and prepares what he needs in the following day..

Urrrgh, I really gotta take the chance of bringing him to the office with me again *mommy’s ultimate goal… I’m a proud working mom… I won’t give a d*mn to whatever people gonna say… my son is number one priority… I’ll bring him along!

I MUST!