I cannot believe myself


I shouted at my litl explorer..

now, I feel like I’m truly a terrible mama..

-the story-
I went home from work in the afternoon, and he went home with his granny.. and I told him I miss him and it’s time for him to take a nap.. as usual he said no.. but suddenly, he punched me in the face and kicked my lap.. and tried to go out of the room.. I held the door so he couldn’t go out then he cried, so I said ok it’s up to him if he doesn’t wanna go to sleep then he could go out of the house.. he cried.. and shouted he couldn’t sleep.. and coughed, I told him he might throw up so he should get off the bed.. but he looked at me and then he did throw up on the bed.. then I started shouting at him.. I felt so angry cause I think he did that on purpose..

he cried hard, and i just silent.. i hoped he would come to me and apologize… but of course he didn’t, and i just get angrier…

oh my goodness, i swear i love him dearly, more than anything, but why did i?

what’s happening to him?

oh NO..

it would be more appropriate if i say: WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH ME?

[how to overcome this angriness? i never want to get so outburst like this…]


my 4-year-ols son is probably having hard time not to be with his mom, his refusal (to get to sleep) is probably done for showing his objection, like saying: whare have you been mom, you were working and i’m enjoying my playtime, how could you suddenly came home and told me to sleep?

when he threw up> he looked at my eyes… so maybe he wanted to say.. will u still love me if i mess up?

when he didn’t come to me and apologize… hey come on badmama.. he is 4 years old!



it’s me! my expectation is unbelieveable and unrealistic! i must be so stressed out! it must be because i didn’t manage my time to have my me time,

i won’t be able to give love if i don’t feel loved, include from myself, good mom is HAPPY mom

i just came home at that moment so i must be tired, and i brought the expectation like: “you must undertand me” to my son.. and it’s not fair, i’m the one who has to understand him… i expect him to apologize >> he didn’t know it >> i’m the one who has to teach him how to..

i’m such a bad example, i gotta change!

i gotta nurtured myself, i gotta feel loved, so i can teach him -LOVE-



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